Former French president Jacques Chirac was rushed to hospital after being mauled by his own 'clinically depressed' pet dog.
The 76-year-old statesman was savaged by his white Maltese dog - which suffers from frenzied fits and is being treated with anti-depressants.
The animal, named Sumo, had become increasingly violent over the past years and was prone to making 'vicious, unprovoked attacks', Chirac's wife Bernadette said.
Obviously Sumo has read far too much Sarte for his own good. Poor thing, he is suffering an exestential crisis. Time to lay off the wine and gauloises Sumo and stay away from the philosophic discussions of the Left Bank also.